


a handful of moments

by hourglassmermaid



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coda, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, POV Alec, Post-Episode: s03e14 A Kiss From a Rose, Reminiscing, letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 21:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18213578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hourglassmermaid/pseuds/hourglassmermaid
Summary: Alec says goodbye to the loft.





	a handful of moments

**Author's Note:**

> A short coda that looks at Alec's feelings over Magnus losing the loft. Basically, my fiance didn't think the loss was that bad, and I got spiteful lol 
> 
> Title comes from [Therapy](https://open.spotify.com/track/0jh2HyqarexLFrEyN1dpKp?si=NhNrt-zkSTmMks5AfREDqg) by All Time Low~

Alec drops his bow and quiver at the door, listening for the familiar clanging of the metal hitting the floor, so he can try and memorize the symphony of clamors one last time. He lingers turning the brass doorknob, savoring the time he has left as the door shuts behind him with a soft click. This is the last time he’ll step into the loft.

He remembers that old cliche, ‘if these walls could talk,’ or something to that affect, as he takes one last look around the place he’s come to think of as home. Every wall, every floor board, every speck of dust under the refrigerator holds a lifetime of memories anyone would be lucky to explore. Innovations and incantations. Love found. Love lost. Miracles and misery and everything in between. 

Because this loft is so much more than a place to sleep at night. It’s a life. It’s a home. 

Alec has never been one for attaching sentiment to material things. To people. To bonds. To experiences. But never a pair of sweatpants or a bo staff in the training room. It wasn’t until he met Magnus that he understood just how much love, how much history lives in certain items. And to have all of those memories yanked away from their fingertips — Alec clutches at the metal banister until the jagged material starts to lick cuts into his skin — it’s unbearable.

He takes a seat on the smooth leather couch he slept on during their first night together. They had spent all night talking and drinking and sharing things Alec had never felt comfortable sharing before. It was the first time he had truly felt seen, felt heard, and from then on, he was hooked. He never wanted to stop earning Magnus’ attention. 

He gets up and crosses the room towards the kitchen. Laughter. Stories. Easy conversation. Where he finally received his mother’s blessing and gratitude for the life he’s leading — the kind of love and acceptance he used to dream about it.

On his way to the bedroom, Alec’s fingers trace over the notches in the wooden door post he had carved to keep track of how tall Madzie was growing. He and Magnus tried to play it cool as Madzie insisted that someday soon she would be as big and strong as Alec and tried to beat him in a wrestling match. With her back turned and with the flick of Magnus’ wrist, he raised the notches a few inches higher to make her feel better. 

Lorenzo will never appreciate these little touches, these small details, because to him, this loft will always just be a prize to be won. A status symbol. Another hearty, ‘fuck you,’ to Magnus. But it will never be a home.

Is he going to help Mrs. Yang with her grocery shopping every Saturday? Will he feed the neighborhood strays when they start meowing? Or will he leave the place abandoned, empty, collecting dust and cobwebs while he lounges around his gaudy mansion sipping on weakly mixed cocktails? 

To Alec, the loft will always be where he and Magnus first fell in love one moment at a time.

A rickety, rusted over fire escape that gave him space to breathe when the Institute was suffocating. Silky, golden sheets that taught him he really can have everything he’s ever wanted. A balcony to call home when he wasn’t sure if he still had one. 

When Alec imagined their future together, he always pictured them moving boxes, popping million dollar questions, and chasing after tiny footsteps in Brooklyn. Trying to live out that vision at the Institute feels wrong, tainted, because it was never supposed to be. It wasn’t written; it was seized by Spain’s most pompous asshole. 

Forcing Magnus to rest his head in a building built on centuries of disdain, death, and destruction. Trying to build their life together in the place Alec spent his childhood learning to hate himself. Being ripped away from the only place Alec has ever felt completely and unapologetically himself.

Alec is going to kill Lorenzo for taking the loft away from them.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, let me know in the comments below or follow me on [tumblr](http://hourglassmermaid.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/izzylightbane)!


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